A Skwirl’s Eye View: My Surreal Day on a Reality Show
I never thought I’d catch myself ankle deep in the drama of a network reality show but I just reviewed the tape and yes, it happened.
Last Thursday I relived my very short but thoroughly enjoyable stint on NBC’s Last Comic Standing. So, let’s go back in time to Valentine’s Day 2008. 7:30am. I’m outside of Yuk Yuk’s hoping that I’ll be seen before 10:00am. By my quick calculations that will likely get me back at work by noon. I’d like to believe that I have a good idea what the producers want. They want about 30 good comics to audition, 14 to qualify and then about 20 whack-jobs in funny costumes that the judges can make fun of. The latter is where I figured I had my best shot of adding something to my demo reel.
So, with old bad jokes in my head, a cigar in my pocket and a hideous jacket in my bag I ventured down. Not as Derek Forgie but as Sully Showman. I personally didn’t want to be in the moron montage but I was OK with a Sully being in there.
The day however, would prove to unfold much differently than I had anticipated.
While waiting in line in the cold for several hours with some of my favorite comedy peers, we were hungry for insight as to the method of selection. I watched some very talented comedians leave disenchanted, frustrated and unimpressed. Not because they didn’t make the cut but rather because they didn’t feel they even had a fighting chance. Here’s something you may not know, there are two tiers of auditioners:
1. There are the people who were sent by agents, managers, promoter or industry types
2. There’s the open call line.
You can see the open call line in every city. That’s where I was. In my humble opinion the LCS method of selection has little to no interest in taking anyone in the open call line seriously.
It’s time for a quick trivia question:
Q: How many people from the open call line were in the showcase?
A: One. Me.
How did I get in? A gimmick. I was noisy and had a funny jacket. That’s the only reason. Here’s how it happened.
It’s 3:15pm. I’m in a group of 6. We were placed in a busy hallway. Finally, warmth. We were a clear annoyance to the busybodies lifting lights and cables. There was a young lady who appeared to be distracted by other duties that came along with her job description because her walkie-talkie took priority over us. She would just point at one of us to “start” and we began our routines. (Unless of course somebody had to pass by to use the stairs)
I avoided eye contact because I wanted to go last. I knew something outlandish had to be done if she was going to hear anything I had to say. After I heard 5 people do their thing, I grabbed a hand full of sweaty confetti and hurled it in her face with a big “Heeeeyyyy!” She put her walkie down. I then forced some tech dude to stop working and listen to my jokes. I was creating such a scene that suddenly I actually had a small audience. Now, we’ve almost got comedy, folks. I snapped off a few Sully jokes, got some laughs made fun of some guy’s hair, got high-fives from everybody and closed with another big load of confetti in her face.
It was then she very curtly and tactlessly told the other five that they could leave. Just then Derek stopped Sully from yelling “Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya!” That part actually contained a good deal of social awkwardness.
She brought me upstairs to the green room. It was then I was witness to the who’s who of Canadian comedy. It was A-list all around. It was at this moment I was pretty confident that I was going in the idiot reel. Oh well.
Now it’s time to feed me to the lions. Richard Kind and one of my all time comedy heroes, Dave Foley. I thought well, if you’re going to be belittled, it might as well be in front of one of your idols. Right? Hmm. Not sure on that one.
In goes Sully, a hand-full of confetti making a mess of the place. I’m dropping crappy old hack jokes and they’re actually laughing. Wow. At me or with me? Not sure yet. I start to get dizzy so I stop. Dave says, “I think you should come to the show.” For slightly more than one second I’m enjoying one of the greatest achievements of my life, then in disbelief Richard says, “Honestly! I don’t.”
Here’s where things get weird. I, me, Derek, totally agrees with him. He’s right on the money. This bit isn’t new. However, I have the luxury of playing an obnoxious character. Sully can argue this. So he does. Relentlessly. What you saw on the show was a sample. At one point I think I called him a “side-part bastard”. Richard takes it well and gives in. This, my friends is the only reason I got past hurdle number 2. I must have a horseshoe in a very tender place. Now things really start heating up.
I run off stage to be greeted by a stage hand. He brings me outside and to another building. I sit around for about 30 minutes and then, I’m asked to run through another curtain and give the appearance that I’ve just come off stage. But they don’t want to hear from me, they want Sully. Fair enough. After my post-audition interview, the reality sets in like bad fish. I have to whip up a new 3 minutes before 8:00pm.
Time for another piece of trivia: Before LCS I’ve only performed Sully once. One time. 2 months ago. Yikes,
I need to get home. I can’t yet. I’m whisked away to fill out an 18-page confidentiality contract. By the time it got to writing out the mailing addresses of 10 of my closest friends, I started making stuff up. This took almost an hour. I also had some really cool people coming up to me and chatting, whilst a camera crew is eavesdropping on our conversations. Now they’re asking me to go outside and tape some stuff. I’m in an alleyway answering questions as Sully Showman. They finish, I go to leave, they say “Oh wait, now we have to do this with Derek Forgie.”
It’s now past 6:00pm. By the time I got home, I had about 45 minutes to polish my act before it’s potentially seen by 6 million people. The optimist in me says, well, maybe I’ll be late in the line-up and I can work on it during the show. Upon my arrival back at the club I am told, I am first up. Naturally.
Back at Yuk Yuk’s, Bill Bellamy is warming up, I’m ripping up paper and putting it in my pocket. Confetti is my spinach. Hot crowd, cameras rolling, confetti flying, I barrel though it. Sully takes a lot of out of me. For almost every punch line I’m using almost every muscle. Afterwards, I’m actually happy with it. That is a rare feeling. That’s about as good as that was going to be. I’m unable to see any of the other acts. We’re all in the green room sweating and joking around. By 10:00ish (hour 16 of my day) we’re off to hear the results.
I become incredibly self-conscience of my facial expressions. I know that while I’m standing there, they ‘re rolling tape and waiting for some sort of look of disappointment, disapproval or something they can edit to fabricate subtext. On this day, no sir. I’ve had too much fun. I don’t want to look even remotely unimpressed. I respect everyone on that stage and approve of whomever they send. However I’ve seen the tape. They got me. Those crafty buggers.
I hear the name Sean Cullen. Brilliant. A decorated Canadian TV fixture. I hear Winston Spear. I’m delighted and surprised. I thought he was too hip for the room. Then I hear something that the home viewers did not: The Williamson Playboys and Brian Lazanik. They were also given a red ticket. However, for some reason, the editors depicted them not winning. Why? I’d be guessing.
Overall, the experience went above and beyond my expectations. My incredibly supportive friends and peers really rallied around me on this one. My home town of North Bay/Mattawa has been especially supportive and kind. My biggest fear during this whole lead-up was that they would edit me out and I would have let down the town that has done nothing but lift me up. I’ve always felt sort of conflicted when I talk about my accomplishments but my hometown has taught me to take pride and celebrate them. Once again, my roots have helped me to grow stronger. Now, if they can just help me grow taller. Hey-Oh!!
I’m Derek Forgie and this has been a Skwirl’s Eye View.
(if you’d like to see the footage just go to www.derekforgie.com)