This Week on Stillepost
Stillepost– it’s not merely a place where indie hipsters go to die – its boards are filled with all sorts of thoughtful commentary on things happening around the city and beyond: Igor goes to jail
Check out the whopping 8 pages of commentary on the recent arrest of the infamous bike seller of Queen West. As the thread gets rolling, there is a particularly funny bit where one of the regular posters asks what the Toronto impresario Dan Burke would have to say, a poster replies with:
"Igor Kenk. What a cocksucker.
I used to hang with him when he was selling tabs of acid outside Creepshow in about '94.
He made it big time, got lazy. Go figure.
Not like me. I respect hard work. That's what made me who I am.
I haven't slept in three days.
Know why?
Cos someone has to poster for the ZOOBOMBS NotbyNortheast'09.
Ask Brendan from BSS. Ask Derek from Grasshopper.
I've done more drugs than that Slovenian faggot could even imagine,
and you don't see the indie pussy-core jumping for joy when I hit rock bottom.
Doesnt matter.
I been here 14 years, and I'll be here long after this messageboard is forgotten about.
I gotta go make sure that Vlad is set up at Velvet now. Sorry I didn't leave enough jizz-tissue for you jackoff addicts in this thread."
The latest news reports that even MORE bikes (over 2500!) have been recovered and more arrests have been made, including Igor’s wife.
Toronto’s Assholes
Ah, yes, the Canadian classic consideration: are Torontonians simply a bunch of wankers? A poster asks: who are they, where are they, What do they do? How are they offensive? The discussion quickly digressed to pissing all over Scarborough. Poor little Scarberians.
Morrissey’s rider
Well, I was expecting a bit more diva from the elusive singer. The posters on the thread have obviously never dealt with band rider before. Back in the day – I recall having to supply one Canadian musician with a case of JD. The rider the kids have under analysis includes items for the entire tour (band and crew), yet only requests “2 bottles of Corona and 1 bottle of Fanta Orange.” Then there are outrageous demands for loose tea and a kettle. Loose tea?! Crazy, I tell you. The rest is all organic healthy food requests, and that if there is any meat on the BBQ that the wind not blow it in their direction. Wind control might be asking for a bit too much.
But check out this list of riders the smoking gun compiled from over 220 performers: Coldplay requests, amongst the list of alcohol and snacks and fresh cut flowers, “8 STAMPED LOCAL POSTCARDS.” Beyonce likes her chicken with lots of cayenne. Destiny’s Child need black towels. David Bowie drinks lots of Mr. Coffee and Moby wants 10 pairs of cotton socks and boxer shorts. Diana Krall provides a full page list of acceptable wines, and then requests a roll of tums, a yoga room and some baby formula.
Steven Page arrested for coke
The eight pages in this thread quickly gets bored with the navel-gazey swipes at BNL’s street cred and digresses from the shock of the sullied rep of the squeaky clean singer to a discussion about “cancon” and Amanda Marshall’s privates. Someone posting as “stevenpage” gets into it with another poster,
“How many records have YOU sold? My band played on fucking 90210. One of our tunes was in a major car commercial. Nobody gives Emily Haines shit for being a cokehead fuck-up, and she's not successful enough to do my laundry. I've got Nas money. I've got Good Charlotte money. I've got Star Jones money, and you can bet I'm gonna hoover some of it up my nose. Y'all talk shit about me now, but if you can't back it up, you better back the fuck up.”
Shooting in the Annex!
Read these entries for a thoughtful and erudite discussion on recent homicides in the city and their affect on the perceived safety of downtown Toronto. We can only hope that Dan Burke will weigh in on the discussion.